Short Month, Deep Feelings
We all know the seasons can play a significant role in how we feel, and each season can serve up its own emotional and mental health challenges.
We are in the middle of navigating the cold temperatures and darkness of winter and February is just around the corner. It may be the shortest month of the year, but it’s long on complicated feelings as it serves up both Valentine’s Day and Family Day – two holidays focused on relationships, the expression of feelings and the expectation of quality time. For many people these concepts may be complicated.
Valentine’s Day has long been touted as a day to celebrate romantic love. The day can conjure stress and anxiety for a variety of reasons:
For those in relationships, they may feel pressured to show love and appreciation in ways that could require immense creativity, significant expense, or extreme gestures needing resources or abilities that are not available to them.
Expectations around having or creating the perfect Valentine’s Day experience and the fear or reality of those expectations not being met can trigger feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt. For those struggling in their relationships, the holiday can also magnify their difficulties at a time when love, romance and relationships are unrealistically idealized.
Those who are single or struggling with a recent break up or the death of a partner may experience greater feelings of loneliness and loss as the holiday shines a light on relationships.
The Family Day holiday can also be a difficult reminder of loss or of the distance between loved ones. For those who have difficult relationships with family members, the day can create anxiety and stress, especially if there are expectations to spend time together.
For those who are estranged from their families or have had a challenging upbringing, Family Day can remind them of their difficulties and the emotional pain they have experienced.
Here are 6 things you can do to make Valentine’s Day or Family Day less emotionally and mentally challenging:
Make it your own
While Valentine’s Day and Family Day both ask us to show appreciation and connection with those we love, it is important to recognize that on the other 363 days of the year, we express our feelings or relate to people in our lives in ways that are unique to our relationships. You can choose to redefine how you acknowledge these days and create your own traditions that feel authentic for you. This can include connecting with people who are your chosen family members or for whom you feel gratitude and affection or perhaps redefining the days entirely by volunteering to help others in need in ways that make them feel supported and cared for.
Shift your perspective
Let go of the tendency to wish things were different than they are. Focus instead on the people and experiences for which you are grateful.
Keep it simple
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about expensive gifts or extravagant plans and Family Day does not require elaborate gatherings and activities. Spend time together, cook a meal, watch TV, play a game, get outside, opt for homemade cards. Keep it simple and focus on the connection you share and taking the time to appreciate the relationships that matter to you in ways that are meaningful for you.
Love yourself
If either holiday conjures difficult feelings or memories consider making the days about doing something that brings you joy, celebrates your journey and allows you to feel good or supported in your feelings. Consider a loving-kindness meditation, a walk in nature or a fun activity.
Take a social media break
Social media content will reinforce idealized versions of these holidays. Try to limit your time scrolling through content that will leave you comparing your situation with curated images.
Seek help
If you are struggling emotionally or mentally, make an appointment with a professional therapist. They can help you navigate these holidays by providing support and guidance.
The team at Whole Heart are here to help support adults, teens, children and families both in-person and virtually as you navigate this time and beyond.
To learn about our programs and services go to: https://wholeheartmentalhealth.com/services/
The Stresses of December
December is upon us. The move towards the end of the year can be exciting at times, but can also be a major source of stress.
The team at Whole Heart has identified some common stressors along with some helpful tips for coping:
Exams
Many students have not yet had the experience of writing in-person exams due to the pandemic. Preparing for closed book/in-person exams for the first time can feel overwhelming and cause stress. To help alleviate stress, having a plan that involves proven memory and learning strategies, good organization, and a schedule that includes breaks and adequate sleep and nutrition is key.
A supportive study group can also help. Whole Heart’s December Study Skills Group (beginning December 6) is designed to help students acquire the strategies and skills needed to feel ready for their in-person exams.
Holiday Gatherings
Social situations can make people anxious at any time, and the holidays can add a new layer!
How to cope? Try to shift focus from how things “should be” to how they are. Before the event: think about the things you have liked in the past when you see friends or family.
People tend to focus on what could go wrong, but what about the things that have gone well?
In the event: Use your five senses to calm a busy mind and shift focus into the present moment and stay grounded. Notice things you can hear, things you can taste, things you can smell, things you can touch, things you can see.
Take breaks from a crowded room if and when you feel it’s needed.
If you’re hosting a gathering, keep it simple; invite guests to take part by planning a pot luck.
Year-end at work
You may be counting down the days until your office closes for a holiday, but for many people calendar year-end is their busiest time of year. Getting to the holidays may feel exhausting as the pressure mounts to deliver on quotas or reports, meet the seasonal rush or wrap up projects.
This is an important time to practice self-care. Get sleep, limit caffeine and alcohol, shut screen time off well before bed, eat nourishing foods and get outside or exercise!
Prioritize the work that must be done before end of year and where possible, delegate, partner or look to your supervisor to help identify alternative strategies to manage what’s on your plate.
Set up your out of office auto response early, to let others know that you will follow up with any non-urgent needs in the new year.
Keep this time feeling more manageable by creating lists of what must be done and setting smaller goals among the large ones so that you can see your movement forward.
Family Vacation
Some of you are staying home, and others may travel during the holidays. Travelling with anxious kids can be a challenge. Moving from structured to more unstructured time can be especially stressful for those children who function best with consistent routines.
Meditation and mindfulness during these moments can also help you feel more in control. Whole Heart offers drop-in meditation classes for relaxation and an Introduction to Mindfulness for Teens.
This may be a time where some flexibility with screen time can be helpful.
For example, new guidance from the Canadian Paediatric Society encourages parents to prioritize educational, interactive and age-appropriate screen time – a move away from previous recommendations that set a strict limit.
Remember that the shifts and changes that come out of breaking routine are temporary! Focus on the larger goal of spending time, building memories and enjoying being together.
Finances
Gift giving and gatherings can create new or added financial strain and it’s hard for some people to say “no” to participating in gift exchanges or other festive expenses. This year especially, Canadians are feeling the pressure of rising costs and recent news reports indicate consumers plan to spend less this season.
Alleviate stress by asking for or setting budget limits, or getting creative with handmade gifts, re-gifting or pot-lucks where possible.
Reflecting Back and Projecting Forward
It’s normal and natural to reflect back as we close out the year – and some people participate in making resolutions for the year ahead; the thoughts and feelings associated with both of these actions can impact your mental health.
Try to focus on and stay grounded in the present. Notice your breathing, notice your senses. You can also identify things for which you are grateful and focus on the feeling of gratitude.
Ultimately the stresses of the season may be with us, but remember that you have made it through another year and faced challenges successfully, learned and grown. Take a moment to be proud of yourself or tell your child or teen that you’re proud of them as well!
The team at Whole Heart wishes you and your family the very best this holiday season. To learn about our programs and services go to: https://wholeheartmentalhealth.com/services/
Mind Maps – 8 Ways of Navigating to a Healthier Reality
The phrase “mind over matter” seems as though it’s a simple concept to follow. The reality is, is that the complexities that play out in our minds make it quite challenging to take an optimistic viewpoint in the situations we face.
Self-care isn’t Selfish
As we get ready to begin our week lets remind ourselves about the importance of self care; an area that often gets missed. Today we live in a society that is so fast paced, so hectic and so future oriented that it can be difficult to take the time and nurture ourselves.
Dealing with Exam Stress
Its that time of year again and summer is hopefully just around the corner! For students, this time is EXAM time which brings along with it anxiety, doubt, pressure, excitement and joy. A functional amount of stress in our lives can help us to live well, meet deadlines, get out of bed in the morning, tend to our families and our own needs- this is healthy stress. However, for some this type of stress can be overwhelming and unbearable.